What Are Your Goals In 2024?

So, 2023 is over and we’re in 2024 now. How do you feel? Excited? Nervous? Hungover?

I bet you had some big plans for this year, right? What were they? Buy a car? Date a Canadian or a Kenyan Luo lady? Or maybe both?

Wow, you’re ambitious. I like that.

But are you still on track with your goals? Or did you give up on them already? Come on, be honest.

Hit the clap if you are saying the truth!

Now, as for yours truly, I had some crazy goals too. Like, really crazy. Honestly, who wouldn’t want to become the next president of Uganda? Or marry Beyoncé? OK, maybe not the last one. That’s Jay-Z’s job. But you get the idea.

I was feeling optimistic and adventurous on New Year’s Eve. I was going to be the next Elon Musk, but with better hair. Revolutionize the world with my groundbreaking inventions, like a toaster that also tells you jokes.

Maybe it was the cheap Jim Beam I drank. That stuff is evil, I tell you.

But hey, I had goals.

And then 2024 came. Yay! “We are the achievers of this year.”

Yeah, right. Let me tell you, Maina, January hit me like a ton of bricks.

Wanna know why?

You see, I decided to take a course in Harvard, because why not? I always wanted to be a Harvard graduate. I figured I’d also casually add “Harvard graduate” to my Tinder bio. It sounds cool, right? Wrong.

The course is hard. Like, really hard. Harder than trying to assemble IKEA furniture without swearing.

Like, I have to read hundreds of pages of boring academic papers, write essays that make sense, and do quizzes that test my IQ. And I have to do all that while juggling my freelancing career, which is not going very well either.

I’ve got one client who pays me in expired coupons and vague promises of exposure. He also gives me vague instructions, unrealistic deadlines, and endless revisions.

I want to quit, but I can’t, because I need the money. I need the money to pay for my course, and also to finish my website, which is half done and requires around $300 to go online.

What a January, huh?

I’m also writing here on Medium, pouring my heart and soul, hoping for a legion of adoring fans to shower me with a clap or maybe a date to cool myself off. But wiih, the reality is a tad less glamorous.

My followers? Mostly bots and spammers.

My views? About as scarce as a snowflake in the Sahara.

And as for comments, well, let’s just say they’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

I wonder if anyone is reading this right now, or if I’m just talking to myself.

Anyway, I’m not here to complain. I’m here to inspire you. I’m here to show you that even if your life is a mess, you can still have goals and dreams. And you can still achieve them, if you work hard, believe in yourself.

Here are my goals for 2024:

1. Become an Affiliate Marketer. (I am already)

This is a great way to make money online, without having to deal with clients, deadlines, or revisions. All I have to do is promote other people’s products and services, and earn a commission for every sale I generate. Sounds easy, right? Well, not really.

There are millions of other affiliate marketers out there, competing for the same audience, the same niche, and the same keywords. And I have to learn how to create landing pages, write sales copy, run ads, track conversions, and optimize campaigns.

But hey, I’m a Harvard student, I can do anything. Right?

2. Have a Family.

Nah, just kidding. I don’t want to have a family. I mean, I like kids, but I don’t want to have my own. They are too noisy, too messy, and too expensive. And I don’t want to get married either. I like being single, free, and independent. I don’t want to share my life, my space, or my Netflix account with anyone. I don’t want to compromise, negotiate, or communicate.

I just want to do what I want, when I want, and how I want. Is that too much to ask?

3. Have Money.

This is a big one. I want to have money. A lot of money. Enough money to buy a house, a car, a yacht, and a private jet. Enough money to travel the world, eat at fancy restaurants, and shop at luxury stores. Enough money to donate to charity, support causes, and make a difference.

How am I going to make that money? I don’t know.

Maybe I’ll win the lottery, or inherit a fortune, or invent something revolutionary.

Or maybe you, my dear friend, can help me out. How do you make money? What are your secrets? What are your tips? Please share them with me in the comments below.

4. Finish My Harvard Course.

No comment!

So, these are my goals for 2024.

They may seem unrealistic, absurd, or impossible. But they are mine, and I’m proud of them. And I’m going to pursue them, no matter what. Because life is too short to be boring, too serious, or too safe. Life is meant to be fun, adventurous, and challenging. And life is meant to be lived, not survived.

What are your goals for 2024? Let me know in the comments below.