How to Start a Podcast That No One Will Listen To (But You’ll Love Anyway)

Podcasts are all the rage these days. Everyone and their dog has a podcast, or wants to start one. The truth is, podcasts are a great way to share your passion, your expertise, your opinions, or your stories with the world.

Let’s have that as the main reason.

But did you know, podcasts are also a great way to waste your time, your money, your energy, and your sanity?

I swear..because let’s face it, most podcasts suck.

Most podcasts have no audience, no quality, no purpose, and no future. Just doomed to fail, or worse, to be ignored.

But hey, who cares?

You don’t need to be the next Joe Rogan, or Oprah, or Serial. You don’t need to have millions of listeners, or sponsors, or awards. You don’t need to have a podcast that anyone will listen to. You just need to have a podcast that you’ll love anyway.

So, how do you start a podcast that no one will listen to?

Chapter 1: Choose a Niche That’s as Desirable as a Toothpick in a Candy Store

Now, everybody and their grandma is talking about podcasts, right? But not you! You’re special.

You’re going to pick a topic that’s so out there, so utterly uninteresting, that even your cat will find a better use for its nap time. Btw, have cats if you don’t!

Think of something like the thrilling “History of Toothpicks” or the enthralling “Mating Habits of Snails.” I mean, who wouldn’t want to know how snails get their romance on, right?

Actually, this topic..?

Game time my people!

Text a friend or two with the burning question: “Hey buddy, or Fundi or Mkurugenzi! Quick question for you — have you ever wondered how snails get their romance on? Like, what’s their secret to love? 😂🐌💕”

Sit back and enjoy the show!

Screenshots encouraged! Capture those moments of confusion, laughter, and possibly existential crisis. Share in comments.

Now, back to creating our podcast. Remember, the more niche, the better. Forget about those mainstream topics; you want to be the pioneer in the unexplored world of podcasting.

Chapter 2: Be the James Bond of Unpreparedness

Research? Preparation? Scripting? Nah, those are just fancy words. You want your podcast to be as spontaneous as a surprise party at a library. Record it anywhere — in your car, in the shower, or for the bold, in the toilet.

Wait, toilet? Yeah.

A very cool idea..that’s what I call “making a splash in the podcasting scene!”

Forget schedules; podcasts are meant to be the wild west of audio content. Just hit record whenever the mood strikes you, and if that’s at 3 AM while eating cereal in your pajamas, so be it.

No guests, no editing, and definitely no structure. You’re the maestro of chaos, the wizard of winging it. The less planning, the more authentic you become.

Chapter 3: Keep Your Podcast a Deep, Dark Secret

Promote? Market? Pfft, sounds like a lot of work.

You want your podcast to be more of that secret recipe your grandma never shared. Choose a platform that’s either deserted, charges a hefty fee, or has more bugs than a forest in summer.

Name your podcast something tongue-twisting, like “The Incomprehensible Whatchamacallit Show.” Interesting huh?

Now, go back and read that name well my love!

And the cherry on top? Use cover art that’s so confusing or offensive that people will think it’s a secret government project.

Give your podcast a description that’s more cryptic than a treasure map drawn by a chicken. The less promotion, the more mysterious and exclusive your podcast becomes.

Because Who Needs Listeners Anyway?

Starting a podcast that’s destined for obscurity is a bold move, Darling! You’ve got to be brave, creative, and maybe a little bit crazy. Choose a niche nobody cares about, throw out all the research, and lock your podcast in a metaphorical basement where nobody can find it.

Introduce your episodes with flair, like, “Welcome to the Toothpick History Podcast, where we explore the fascinating and forgotten stories of the world’s most underrated invention.” Or tease your audience with, “Today, we’re going to talk about the mating habits of snails, and why they are the ultimate lovers of the animal kingdom.”

But, most importantly, revel in the chaos.

Record your podcast in the weirdest places and times, talk about whatever pops into your head, and if anyone gives feedback, just hit them with the delete button. Forget the critics; enjoy your podcast, because at the end of the day, you’re doing what you love, and as the wise say, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

So go on, be the podcasting champ you were born to be!

Also Read: How to Be Barbie on a Ramen Noodle Budget